Who am I? *blink*blink*

So there's this essay I am supposed to be writing. Right now. I'm supposed to be writing it right now. But here I am.

The problem is this: I am supposed to select ONE word, that defines me. This word has to have shaped me, played an important role in my life. It's a very good assignment, actually, except I DON'T HAVE A WORD. Very frustrated about this. What defines me?

Guess who?

This is Martha! Yes, that one.... everyone's favorite domestic diva? Martha Stewart! Now, I always thought she was an attractive lady, but geez louise!

A Sign?

I picked up this book at the library yesterday, 'Plenty' by Alisa Smith and J.B. MacKinnon. It's the original locavore book, the story of a couple who challenged themselves to not eat anything- anything- that did not come from within 100 miles for a year. I am halfway through the book now. I can't stop reading it. Reading it feels good. This last chapter, where they're talking about a month long stay at a cabin in remote Northern B.C.... Making pie in a woodstove? Canning salmon? Yes!! I am an armchair homesteader.

I am always drawn to these types of stories. Things about food, things with roots in place and time. They have this innate appeal. This must mean something. Food. History. Place. Community. Truth? Hmmm.

Moment of Clarity

Clarity comes and goes. I have it, then get distracted like a child... as much as I would like to believe that I am beyond that now. Right now- and I mean that as in 'this point I've just now reached, rather than 'in this fleeting moment- I feel as though I know what the peak of the mountain looks like. And I know what the slope looks like. But it's a really really steep slope and I'm not sure if I want to climb it.
Here's the problem: I know that minimalism is going to make me happy, and I think it might make a lot of other people happy too. When I say minimalism I mean a freedom from things, not just another aesthetic. I feel like clutter (and some of it is not physical) and advertisements and fashion and just CRAP has me and you feeling like crap. This is not a new idea for me, but one that I am taking more seriously than ever before. I've been honing it for awhile. Starting with "maybe we could just get books from the library" then "maybe I don't need so many beauty products" to "lets live in a smaller apartment" and "I am throwing away all these magazines" and "I don't think I want to be a model".
It's just all gotten to be too much. I feel bad because of things I don't have and what that says about me. I feel insecure. And stressed out. Granted, it doesn't take a lot to make me feel this way, but why do I keep going back to the things that made me feel that way to begin with? Why does feeling insecure, for example, make me want to go buy new clothes or products that will not live up to the promise to make me feel better? I'm sick of it.
The things that make me really really happy include my Love, and food, and trees, and floating, and books, and friends, and animals, and laughing, and teaching, and discussion... these things make me feel good. And yeah, shopping is fun, but it goes away so fast and then I feel bad.
It seems like the solution is simple. Why isn't it?
As much as I would like to think that I'm above the magpie or the raccoon, or the rat for that matter, hoarding and wanting and collecting things. I'm a human, perhaps the most compulsive of all these beasts. I want, want, want. I see that; that's the clarity. I also see that it's going to be very difficult to fight the desire for things. I'm going to do it this time. I'm not going to never purchase anything again, I know. But I am going to redefine what Need is for me. I'm going to seek activities and people (and yes, probably some stuff) that has worth to me. Find out exactly what that is. Stay away from things that make me feel icky.
Again, why is this so hard?

The Perfect Day Project

Some time ago (oh, maybe 2 years? 3?) I was bored at work.
That is an excellent lead in, huh?
So I was bored at work, and bored with my usual diversion of list making. I asked a friend to help me out. "Write me your perfect day", I said. There were no rules. Just write down a perfect day, beginning to end, real or imagined. No time, money, or other circumstantial limitations.

She did (she was bored at work, too), and the result was a treasure. It inspired me to ask others to do the same thing. Results varied wildly. One of the returned 'perfect days' simply said "TODAY".

It was a sweet little experiment, that spoke volumes about the authors and their current moods/ thoughts. As with many experiments, though, over time I forgot about the Perfect Day.

I am going to resurrect it here. My loose guidelines:
Post at least one per week.
Can be real things that happened, or more in the daydream territory.
Can be excerpts, not required to be an entire day.
There are no limitations on what a constitutes a 'perfect day'. It can be a whole saga of wonderfulness, or it can be eating a really yummy apple. Or a conversation. Or an idea.
Include photos if possible. Possible meaning I go buy a cord for my camera.

In focusing on Perfect Day worthy moments, or dreams of them, I will gain insight into my needs/desires, and appreciate the here and now.

I have to go to work now. So starting... tomorrow!

a huge high-five to... myself!

Today, I went for a bike ride. This is not groundbreaking news, I realize, and normally I would not waste blog space for such an announcement, but there are two reasons I am doing so today. One, it's been a long while since I have written anything, and this is the most exciting thing I have to share right now. Two, the real reason, is that I am really proud of my little bike ride. I have never been a huge exercise person, a trait that I am always trying to overcome. Since moving to Seattle, however, I have really dropped the ball. In Bellingham, I commuted by bike in fair weather, and, you know, walked around and stuff. I lived at the top of a hill. It was hard to avoid getting a little exercise. But here, the bus stop is very conveniently located to my house, as is the grocery store, as is everything... so less walking. And, I am too big a wuss to bike in the city. Or I was. I have broken the cycle (I could make that into some kind of cycling/ cycle pun, but I won't)!

So, this morning, I had my coffee and read a little, then went down to the storage room and lugged out the bike. I rode to Volunteer Park via residential streets, under the big shady trees that I love. I climbed a short, steep hill which reminded me that it's been awhile, but I was glad to do it. I climbed it twice, actually, since I crisscrossed park a couple times to see where all paths led. Then I left the park and rode out and around the adjoining cemetery and back home. Tomorrow, I plan to do it again, maybe finding a smoother road to return by. It was really... pleasant.

I am very pleased with myself. And I want it in writing. By sharing this tidbit, I am making sort of a pact with myself that I will keep it up, that I will build a new healthy habit. So, here's to me!

In Support of Alaskans Against Pebble Mine

Congratulations to the Alaskans who recently filed suit against Pebble Partnership. You are not so small; you have a big voice and you are making it heard.

For those of you who don't know what the Pebble Mine is, I suggest www.ourbristolbay.com for resources. If you have the opportunity, there is a documentary called "Red Gold", by Felt Soul Media, that looks fantastic from the trailer. And while you're at it, why not see what some crazy cyclists are up to, on their awareness-raising journey from Alaska to Argentina, at www.pebbepedalers.com
In a nutshell (and this is really condensing things), two foreign mining companies, Northern Dynasty Minerals and Anglo-American, have discovered some 300 billion worth of gold, copper, and molybdenum under the tundra of Southwestern Alaska. They want to construct an open pit mine to extract these minerals, which would be the largest in the US. It would include a tailings dam larger than the 3 Gorges Dam in China. There is no existing infrastructure in the area, so it would require access roads and power supplies. And it would all be in the backyard of Bristol Bay, home to the largest salmon runs in the world.
Salmon are the backbone of the human communities in Bristol Bay. It forms the basis of the local economy (and contributes millions each year to the State of Alaska), and is part of the traditional way of life for the region's natives. A mine, especially one of the magnitude proposed by the Pebble Partnership, would undoubtedly damage the ecosystem. It would be located at the headwaters of two larger river systems that act as salmon breeding grounds. Elsewhere in the country, when rivers have been damaged by logging or dams or pollution, the salmon have never recovered.
The people of Bristol Bay have voiced their overwhelming opposition to this mine, and continue to do so. The current lawsuit is just one example. It is estimated that 75% of the region is strongly against Pebble Mine.

What is at stake is not entirely a local issue, however. This is a fight that is often played out, all over the globe. It's the short term vs. long term interests; it's way of life vs. money; and it's also David vs. Goliath. This is a global issue. If the people of Bristol Bay win this fight, it sends a message to exploitative companies and to governments that we care about our land and our renewable resources. That we will not give them up for someone else's short term profits. That we have learned a lesson from our previous mistakes (Klamath River, anyone?), and that we will not be so gullible as to believe a mining company when they tell us that "it will be different this time".

Support the fight against Pebble Mine. It is your issue, too.